Smile more, worry less and rest will take its course
It has been a while since I have written anything for my blog. I missed the fact that I was not posting for a long time. To be honest, there was no lack of thoughts hovering at the back of my mind. On the contrary, I was too overwhelmed with thoughts of every kind, yet none of them was concrete enough to be jotted down on a piece of paper.
Most of the time I was dealing with my inner turmoil. The demons took an upper-hand for some days and I was in a state of a recluse. The gamut of emotion played havoc, but I just couldn’t channelize the negative energy that was consuming my mind. Life felt at a loss!
At the very beginning of this lockdown, I thought I was strong enough to stay indoors and the sudden cut-off from the outside world wouldn’t affect me much. I was doing perfectly fine during the initial few months with no hiccups. Life felt at ease by being at home with family and working too, with no hassle of travelling.
But I never knew I was not prepared for this change in the next few days to come!
Gradually, as days rolled into months, I started feeling a sense of numbness. I realised I was missing on life-the vibrance, the exuberance, the independence, the carefree life and so much more. Even words fail to describe the kind of feeling I was going through.
Despite all odds, I try to stay positive as best as I could. I tried to write down positive thoughts, work on my blog and talk to people who matter. Yet, it wasn’t enough!
Something was gnawing me from within -I felt at a loss of words. The situation deteriorated gradually. I begin to sense a world of negativity all around. Nothing made me happy. My family turned into a foe for me-I argued and fought with them for the slightest pretext. If they disagreed on anything then a heated argument ensued later. I shouted. I debated. I cried. I felt sorry too. Overall, I felt hollow inside. Yet, I couldn’t help myself.
There were days when I wake up to a sad morning, crying all alone for petty reasons. Sometimes, there is just no reason at all. I felt all alone. Life was turned upside down.
I hated talking to people let alone my family. I just confined to myself.
However, even in all such adverse circumstances, I tried hard to stay positive and tame my negative energy.
Once I woke up at 5 am in the morning just to do meditation and cool my mind. During this time, I started the habit of journaling. I tried to pen down every kind of feeling that I was a going through and ended each day by writing something positive that I have learnt that day, with an aim to inculcate the same in my life.
I learnt in a deeper sense that “Life coach” is not just simply a term, They are actually real people, who through their life’s experiences, tells you what’s best you can do for yourself and the practical way of doing it too. The advice/suggestion they offer are in no way a Herculean task that you can’t achieve- on the contrary, they are easy and very much doable. The only thing that matters, in the long run, is “Consistency”. If you are consistent in your habits then surely you are one step ahead in taming your temptation and have a conscious control over your mind.
Based on this context, I want to add that it was, indeed, words of one such Life coach that motivated me to start journaling. It helped in shaping myself and my mind. To me, it worked!
To have penned down all my inner thoughts on a piece of paper which I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to tell anybody was like a big burden taken off from my shoulder. Life felt easy and my mind a bit relaxed. I mirrored myself through my words!
It is as if I was introduced to my inner self through my words in the journal. Gradually, I felt more connected to what I am actually. I learnt to be my own friend. Instead of chiding away from feeling low, I let myself dwell on it for a while. I let myself cry for as long as I want. I let myself just be without pushing it or avoiding what I was feeling. I consoled myself just as a friend would. I stopped being sorry for feeling negative about somebody or something. I began to realise that it was just a phase and I will overcome it.
And, as I started accepting myself with all my negative thoughts and energy, I understood that I just got lost seeing life coming to a standstill. The sudden change kept me in a state of denial for a while. But, when I accepted this phase as it is, it became easy once again. It brought a sense of comfort and my inner turmoil was put to rest.
During this pandemic, I have made an amazing bond with my family. It is more transparent than ever it was. Words flowed easily with no fear of being judged. Life is slow now, a bit boring most of the time, but the real value of the relationship is worth more than anything and this lockdown has taught me just that.
It is as if a veil has been lifted. I cannot guarantee that I will not have a mental break down again, but this time I wouldn’t let my mind to gulp all of it within myself. I will cry even then. I will be sad too. But, this time I will not ignore my inner voice. I won’t stop consoling myself. I will feel my heart and keep writing in the most honest way. I am sure that, pouring out my heart, through words as a habit, will only make me understand myself better.
So, to readers out there, who are still reeling through the lockdown anxiety, I have to tell you- PAUSE, SIT and RELAX!
- You are bound to be overwhelmed with everything bad happening around you. Maybe the neighbour next to you or even someone from your family might not be doing well health-wise. Don’t stress it out. Just know that stress won’t help you but being calm and composed in such a difficult time will.
- Take time to dwell on what is hampering your inner peace. Take some time out from your busy schedule and read a good self-help book. It might sound cliché but it actually helps. In my case it did- “Who will cry when you die” by Robin Sharma is the secret to my calm demeanour now.
- If you are not someone who reads, then hear good audiobooks. But actually, anything and everything that helps to cultivate your mind are good.
- Meditate-breathe in and breathe out. Inhale. exhale. And do it every time you feel anxious. You will feel good. Trust me.
- Walk, run, play, dance, exercise, do yoga- just do anything that keeps you moving. You just move and the happy hormones will take care of the rest.
- Eat good food always. Include fruits and vegetables in good quantity. Well, its no harm, whatsoever, to grab on a plate of momo or biryani or anything that satisfies your taste buds once in a while!
- Stay hydrated; cliché as it may sound, yet it does wonders!
- And most important-think, talk, walk, eat and dress positively. Your positivity will reflect in the way you deal with people and the surrounding.
I am not an expert in all of the above mentioned, I still struggle to keep up with the rhythm yet I never fail to come back after one or two days of going haywire. Consistency matters. These are hard times and just by being happy and vibrant, you can spread happiness and joy around you. One smile can light up an ailing heart, kind words can cheer up teary eyes and kind deeds can bestow you with love and blessing that not even money can buy.
Last but not the least-life is simple. Keep it that way. Smile more and live with so full of vigour as if it’s your last day today!
Your mind is your biggest weapon and it’s you who can make it or break it in any way you want. Why waste time on self-harm when simple acts of love and kindness can build you into a better version of you?